So I’ve been thinking about updates and after reading this interview with the main guy from cuban council I can rest assured that I’m not alone in never being happy with my actual website ever. I will always want to keep tinkering around with it. I’ve got a busy weekend in front of me. I’ve got loads to do and get done I guess this is a good thing and I walk into March full of vital energy. God I can’t believe it’s March already.

I’ve been thinking about my artwork and design work a lot more lately. I’ve got a massive presentation to do in flash which I’m really looking forward to, and I’ve got a great deal of artwork and writing to get done, while visiting a few friends and actually enjoying my weekend, it’s going to be a busy one I can tell you that much.

Have to learn how to play around with moveable type as well, and start actually building this friggin thing up, import all my posts from blogger that sort of thing….

I love them. When it’s just you and someone else, and they tell you something personnal because they trust you, they know you won’t betray their words. I’ve been having a few one to ones lately and I think I prefer these times 1000 times better than any other form of ‘entertainment’. It’s true I love it because you get a feel that the other person knows you and you get a better understanding of that person as well.

Socially this week has been very good. Which is why not much work has been done on other things, basically for something to be good, the other has to give really, and that’s pretty annoying I find, however that’s life really. I’m ok about that, it’s just that I’ve forgotten to buy paper 3 days in a row and I didn’t go to the comic book store yesterday which is a big thing for me. I guess it’s because I’m not going well with money this month, a few things have been taken out of my account and left me poor.

I’ve been reading again, which is brilliant. It’s called ‘A History of the Middle East’ and it’s a very well informed well written book. It’s mainly historical facts without too much personal commentary and bias so you get a ‘flavour’ of what went on and what where the main events to shape the middle eastern region. Who fucked who and why. It’s an incredible read and it really shows how much politics are a crazy bitch and for anyone to try and go into it would have to either be a complete bastard. There are no genuine politicos. Even if they started off with godd intentions they ended up being despots and dictators, even in the so called democracies of the world.

Downloaded Evenescence, Fallen. Some of it is a bit rubbish, but in general it’s been a while since I’ve actually gotten into a female led band. I suppose I got bored of listenening to the rubbish ads on live365. Launch just isn’t cutting edge enough so there you go really.

I have had time to reinstall moveable type, but it’s got loads of bugs and it’s really pissing me off. So I might reinstall it and see where we go from there. Shouldn’t really take all that long to reinstall the thing really. I’ll probably do it this weekend and most probably update the site intro page, and then over the course of the next weeks update kaydo.net to something more.

I think I’m going to be using one of these blogs as a comic book review blog. I have a lot of reviewing to do, and since I’m pretty opinionated anyway this should be good for recommendations etc. I’ll include links galore and build it so that I can have a whole bunch of things that get regularly updated. This way it’ll be a resource of sorts. I guess I should start with Alan Moore’s Supreme because that’s the last good book I’ve read in a while. Damn Moore does it to me every single time, even with a character as lame as supreme he’s made him exciting and just damn good fun, and in 12 issues I know soo much of his past and he created his past within those 12 issues. I’ve got to get into this mode a lot more and start posting loads of smaller images because people like that sort of thing in articles. Makes it much more fun.

So this is basically the first step for me using everything I have in terms of resourses at my disposal. I’m doing something special to me. My thoughts and ideas continue. This time I’m consolidating everything right here and now, in this little space before me.

Had a seriously funny lunch today, nothing I could really talk about here, since it would all be in the realm of ‘you had to be there’. One funny moment I thought that was done well however was when we got talking about Rambo, G mentioned that he’s heard Rambo 4 and Rocky 6 are both coming out. I countered that by saying that he should really just give up and go into something completely different like politics (wink to Arnold) and then Petra goes, ‘yeah because then Arnold can loose the next election and go, ‘I’LLL BEEE BAAACKKK’ :)

Oh shut up, you had to be there.

Tell you what I’m pretty glad to get February and all it’s leap year poncy rubbish attitude out of the way. Really it had some highlights but generally I regard it as one of the rubbish months this year. I must say that I can’t believe that it’s March already. I new years, Secondment and now a month in a new group have all passed me by. Any closer to my goals this year? Hmm VERY slightly, but it’s painful. The good news is I’ve finally found out how much roughly it’ll cost me to self publish my very own black and white graphic novel, as an indie creator. How much? Roughly $4000. A lot you think? If I actually sell out I’m making a profit which I never thought I’d do. So I suppose if the cafepress way doesn’t pan out for whatever reason, then I’ll need to save around 2500 quid and take that plunge. Scary shit but I suppose you’ve got to take that leap of faith with you work, and basically promote the living daylights out of it. Fliers to retailers, to bookstores, appearances in the cities you’re familiar with. It’s strange to think that in a year’s time I might actually be going through all that rubbish, hell I probably won’t but I can dream, and you can get to seem me succeed or fail as the case may be…

I’ve really never gotten into the online radio station thing to be honest, but I know for a fact I’ll probably start enjoying this a lot more, from now on. The link? www.live365.com you should click on alternative, and there are a few to choose from, my personal favorite is mescino radio which is also the editors pick, hey what can I say I still like the alternative side of things. I’ve been well out of it, so hopefully I’ll actually start to click with a few new bands. I’ve already heard on I like, www.saliva.com got a pretty cool website, not the most amazing, but pretty cool.

Also if you’re looking for some mp3 downloads on rare smashing pumpkins pieces, then you need to go to the download section of www.billy-corgan.com .

Talk about links galore. Hey if you were bored that should occupy you for a few minutes.

Story is going AMAZINGLY. Will I hit the February deadline? A week ago I’d have laughed in your face. Now I’m not all that sure it’s an unachievable dream. Things have seriously clicked today and I’ve even taken my sketches and done something with them, I’ve rewritten loads of the original script that I’ve had to retool due to being in a completely different state of mind. I’m going to have to add a download section on my site, for wallpapers. I think lots of people like that sort of thing actually. Decent wallpaper that’s fun is something I think people lack a lot of. Hmm might get to work as well.

I’ve also gotten a new idea for my blog as well, since I’ve had a cool update from my web hosting people. So I can actually play around with loads of new toys on my server space. Hmm maybe in the next week or so, although I really doubt it because it seems to be a pretty busy week ahead of me.

So here I am sitting down after a long day, I’ve been to the hype gallery again and actually picked up Happiness Appears. It’s amazing in size (A0) which is HUGE and although it’s mainly white I think it was the right thing to do at the time. Who knows if they do it again next year I might actually do a piece that actually might help me promote myself instead of something that’s clearly sentimental in value. HIndsight is twenty twenty but you should never regrett your actions and should strive forward to actually better yourself and improve the way you act to the people around you. To that extent I’m glad for all my friends and I’m glad for every one’s health that’s around me.

I’m glad I’ve got a method of expression and while it’s slow and progress is frustrating to say the least, at least it exists all these years after school, after University and I know that I will get published at some point, whether it’s completely self-published or actually more professional is obviously yet to be seen, but if you’ve got something that’s burning a hole in your mind and causing you to loose sleep, you know things will happen. I’m not going out tonight, last two weeks have been pretty hardcore for going out so I think I’ll take it easy tonight, probably do some writing, might even call a few people if I’m feeling really crazy :) Take care all.

I’ve sat down and gone through all my stories that are in one part or another of development. It’s strange but they’re all at a progressive stage like 60 odd pages in, and there is loads of parts that I know how to expand upon, it’s just that I’ve not really thought about the time, etc. I think I’ve really got to put the rubbish that was february behind me and tackle the new month in earnest. I suppose lots of people kind of coast through the year, and while I’ve also done this in the past I’m pretty determind to make something of this year.

I’ve decided that the best call of action is to hone my art skills in the coming year, really get to grips with all the points I feel I falter on, work on those aspects long and hard. This way I won’t feel inadequate to tackle the stories that I will have written by the END of the year. That’s a lot of stories, but hey if I’ve got quiet a few scripts written and ready to go in one form or another, then I’ll at least have most of my ideas down on paper. Throughout the year I’ll then concentrate on the character sketches and building the worlds I want these characters to inhabit. At the end of the year I’ll have done the leg work for many of the stories.

While I won’t have actually finished a single book fully, I’ll have moved forward in terms of research and plot and dialogue and basically the scripts and sketches will have been done.

It’s ambitious but I think it’s the way I’ve got to approach this. Once I’ve got the scripts done then it’s a matter of choosing which ones I’d like to tackle first. Who know how I feel about this idea tomorrow, but right now at this point in my life I’m pretty content to trying my best to achieve a better March because February was pure garbage from every concievable point of view.

As the song goes ….’things can only get better….’ (yeah forget the rest of that verse, it doesn’t apply here)

Ignore me time and time again as I work my life to a halt.

Ignore me never again and feel my cold stare shine through

Well I just read the most shocking thing, well for me at least. If you go over to www.billycorgan.com you can read who broke the smashing pumpkins up. Now while this might not mean a lot to many people, it means the world to me, simply put the pumpkins where and still are the greatest band for me. No other group of people have produced so much music that has given me such a range of emotions within 1 hour. I’ve seen them live and that was for my 21st birthday I have every single, album, soundtrack I could get my hands on. In essence I’m a lifelong fan. I’ve even started sorting out cover artwork for an internet album they released 2 years ago. Sad news for me I suppose but just reading the blog made me think how completely crap billy must have felt. I suppose many times you’ve got to walk away from the crutch you call your friends and tackle things in a solo effort. Does this apply to me right now? Not really, I’ve always been a loner, the few times I’ve tried to rely on friends or whatever I’ve been disapointed. Which is why I continue to do what I do in a solo effort.

How’s the story going. Man it’s not, which is not good, however I’ve developed the style that I’ll be using to draw this thing, which I suppose is a start. It’s going to be using traditional japanese comics methods, this is the main character. This is a sketch and it’s only intended to show the style that I’ll be using, it’ll get more detailed and more refined as time goes by I’m sure, but at this time I can actually see this working out. I’ve also highlighted the zipatone effect that I’ll be using. It’s not gray, it’s still black, only old fashioned. BIG difference, but so much nicer I feel.

I’ve only got like 14 days to try and finish this script. Even if I don’t actually make the book I’ll have finished the script. I’ll have finished something I started.

I’ve been doing a lot of design work lately. I’ve actually done three wallpapers that I’ll try and put up at some point, but it’s just that my site isn’t really geared up for that at this point. I’m working on making it design oriented, a REAL portfolio, but I’ve been busy. Wish there where more hours in the day, and more time to actually be productive.

It’s true, and it should make your life better as well. Although I generally never listen to Arabic music, I’ve finally stumbled upon a little factoid that I never thought would happen. When I was much younger there was always arabic music blaring in the background. I was too young to have my own musical taste at the time and as such I would listen to anything my mother used to put on the actual tape player. There’s even a tape, don’t know if we actually have it, where I started fucking around with the tape, and my mother slapped me on the hand. Obviously I’d already pressed record, and in the most embaressing way now, I told my mother off for ‘upsetting me’. It one of those moments where you’re reminded off constantly when friends of the famil come over.

The thing is what made me remember this story is the fact that I’ve been listening to a busker. This man is from Iran and he was playing on the Greek equivalent of Oxford Street. He’s there and he’s making the most amazing sound on his little Shadour. The music rang to the sky and everyone walking down that street must have felt this tingle in the back of their necks. He was unparalleled in talent. And my parent bought his CD off him, which I’ve stolen off them. He does a few covers of some absolute classics, and one of those was a song that my mother played many times when I was younger and when we went on drives in the car.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m nostalgic to arabic music, classic arabic music, because it reminds me of my childhood and gives me a feeling of days long gone, but never forgotten.

My week has gotten better, here’s a sketch I did that I’m working on with my brother.

What a shit week. I’ve never been so happy to see friday in my life. What a rubbish rubbish week. Damn didn’t think lots of things could phase me you see. I’m generally overly optmistic about life in general. Sometimes however I just give up and honestly can’t be bothered to see the bright side of things. I’m really unsure about soo many things in my life right now it’s unreal.

I’ve got stories that don’t want to get written. Art that doesn’t want to get drawn and ideas that don’t ever want to come true. And I’m not getting any younger. This I suppose is what it feels like to be in a real glut of things. It’s like every little thing can really begin to annoy you and you feel a greater sting of things.

Every morning the only reason I get up with a perk in my step and a jump in my bones is because of my dreams and any work I’ve been up to. I will wake up with the specific purpose of actually seeing this masterpiece or mastershit I’ve created and how I can better it. How I can make it work. How I can fix it. That’s how I get up in the morning. It’s nothing to do with diet. It’s nothing to do with chemistry and everything to do with my mind. I wake up even though it’s painful sometimes to complete something I started work on.

I haven’t felt that for nearly a week now. While I understand that it’s not something that should come every day, to me, in order to give meaning to my life it does. Even if it’s something as trivial as a smile from someone or a nice word from someone, or even if I had the most amazing coffee this one day, that’s what makes me happy. I could care less about flash cars and other such rubbish. Some people consume, others create.

It’s strange how the world makes you loose hope for yourself, hope for the world and hope for everything that you thought should be dear to everyone. I guess this isn’t a normal blog now that I think about it. It’s my personal diary. It’s my thoughts broadcast on the internet where no-one except a few friends I’ve told about the site and other designers might stumble across it. Does it serve a purpose? It’s the only way right now for me to calm myself from the world around me and all the decedance I see around me every single day.

What a shit week.

Two words. FAAAAAAANNNNNNN

TASTIC

Well I’ve been thinking about this a lot more lately. Things have been set into motion with regards to what I want to do with this place. The website will probably get a major facelift in the coming months, not because I don’t like it, but because it’s reason for existance will have changed. When you design a website it’s for a purpose, that purpose will hopefully have shifted in the coming months.

I will start thinking seriously about sorting out the online comic/portfolio aspect to the forefront, and this blog will be essential as it’s something I’m having a lot of fun with. It’s my personal diary. I don’t expect anyone to care about it right now but I think it’s for me to braindump everything.

Every wished you had the time? The time to this, that or the other? Every wonder what your life would be like?

If only I had the times…I’m off to work.

That’s how I feel right now. Honestly I don’t expect to make much sense, but I’ll probably read these thoughts a few years from now and either smile or look at myself in a whole new light. I suppose I’m going to actually start using my thoughts section as a pathway to everything I want to say and feel. Sometime it’ll be boring other times it’ll bring me closer to finding a way in my life.

Currently I’m in a low phase of my life. I was over the moon 2 weeks ago, everything was going my way, but I’m not in the correct frame of mind these two past weeks. I guess changing groups has had a serious impact on me. I’ve met some nice people but it’s going to be a long a hard struggle to get to the way I was in the old group. I know this, it’s part of life, but it’s demoralising in any case. I understand the neccesity for it, but I can’t justify it to myself right now.

Even though my piece is in the hype gallery I’ve had no e-mails regarding he piece. In hindsight maybe I should have worked on something truely dynamic and then put it up. I guess I was blinded by emotions and when trying to be a professional you’ve really got to set your emotions to one side and tackle the situation at hand. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I guess you live and learn in life. Sometime things go correctly and sometimes they really don’t.

How’s the story coming along you ask? Don’t; because it’s not. I’m in a glut right now and I know I’m just feeling a slight sting, but it’s one of those things that takes time. I’ve got the ideas in my head but I can’t seem to sit myself down and just get on with it. I guess that is the problem 90% of the time with writing a story, your motivation and raison d’etre is no longer as viable and vibrant in your mind, and so you loose the steam with which you came into it, in the very begining.

While January was a creative high, and 2004 looked more bright than ever, Febrary has started of to an abismal start. Hell I can’t even be bothered to read comics right now. I can’t be bothered to finish off the third hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, I can’t be bothered to buy any music and I can’t be bothered to draw anything worth while.

I wish I could go to sleep for a few months, and wake up one day and have the book written and drawn, the website as funky as I’d like it to be, and my dreams to have been touched by reality.

I’m getting the feeling I dream a lot and talk a lot and for some reason I just don’t act on what I say, and I end up disappointing myself.

Ever had one of those days, one of those weeks, one of those months?

This is one of them for me.

Well it’s been one year since I started building websites on my own. I’ve learnt a great deal in the time inbetween. I’m happy to say that I’ve actually got roughly 4 websites I’m currently in the talking stage of designing them. It’s actually a serious range of topics which is pretty nice to have. That portfolio section will be getting bigger faster, sooner than I thought.

Going down to Brick Lane today to see my piece in the gallery. I’ll hopefully get some friends down there tommorow so that I can grab a few pictures and what not. Should be interesting if nothing else, and I should get a massive geek feeling once I’ve actually seen my drawing hanging up there, for everyone to see.

It’s an important day for me. How this day goes will probably confirm my happiness to a certain degree for the months to come. I won’t be melodramatic and say years, but a few months at least.

Played basketball today after something like a month and a half. The longest I’ve ever gone without proper exercise and I tell you what I’m going to feel it tomorrow for sure. It was damn worth it though, and I think it’ll be damn good to get into it again, although it’s one of those things that you leave for a while and you really have to work hard to get anything bad. I wasn’t a complete embaressment to my team,…complete being the operative word here.

Last season of friends on E4 tonight. Will be pretty sad seeing them go, although it’s about time. It’s turned more soap opera than just stupid light hearted entertainment towards the end but I guess after 10 years you’re going to struggle to bring in new things to the table. That’s why I kinda like the idea that Smallville might end at the end of this year, it’s third season, god I hope so, not because I don’t like it, but because I actually do, and if there’s one thing I’ve understood in life, is leave when you’re at the top of your game, makes you more of a legend, more durable, and hopefully you actually can stand the test of time.

Well I’ve actually picked up my pencil after an absence of way too long. What I find really amazing about the whole experience is how I seem to not have lost anything in the time between the drawings, not only that but I can actually see more speed in my work, and more accuracy. Oh sure I’m still making some terrible mistakes, but as my own worst critic I think I’m finding a few more things to actually like than hate, which is pretty rare really. Thinking about it, sometime this year marks 10 years since I started off on this dream of mine. I’m closer 10 years later, although I’ve taken one hell of a detour, and to a certain extent it was necessary for me to see things and experience things I might not have experienced otherwise. I’ll be posting the first teaser image to my book in due course, I actually have a few ideas lurking in my head.

In the meanwhile to see a site that I would like to rival in terms of the graphic novel counterpart (he’s making an animated movie), go to www.rustboy.com seriously it’s an amazing accomplishment. I’d love to buy the book, but it’s pretty pricey even for me; usually I’m the prime target for that sort of thing. I suppose when I’ve got a few more quids knocking about in my bank account, or hell my birthday’s only 8 months away, anyone interested in getting me something early, I’ll love you forever.

Another lebanon photo for your viewing pleasure.

Well it’s been a good break actually thinking about it. I’ve had around a month to re-energise my batteries and think about my book from a fresh perspective. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I think I should be able to actually crack on with it sometime soon.

My brother is complaining that my blog isn’t colurful enough, no photos or whatever, which I guess he’s right about, so for a while I’ll actuall post some sketches on the blog page just for fun. Eventually they’ll be placed in the portfolio section. Before that happens here’s a photo I took while on holiday in Lebanon. That’s what I miss living in london, the beautiful sunsets…sounds corny but soo true.

Tell you what, I’ve done it. I’ve finished all the technical aspects of the site. It took a while but dammit I’ve uses 4images for the portfolio collection, I’ve used blogger for the thoughts section. Don’t even know the name of the site I’m using for those comments. My newsletter is from notifylist.com. It’s all free and it’s all great.

From now on it’s all going to be just simple tweaks to the site here and there, and just more artwork and thoughts being blasted onto the site. Do please send me any problems that you see in the coding, since my computer will cache everything and I don’t really have the most accurate of pictures for this site as it appears to everyone else.

First day back in the office. I’m glad to be back, although I did get annoyed with the changing of my PC since all my settings got screwed. Oh well.

And yesterday was one of them. Apart from the splitting headache at the end of the day it was a pretty good day. I was down brick lane taking my cd to be printed at the hype gallery. So that went down well, it’ll hopefully be up on Tuesday and for a week, which means I better start actually sorting out this place making it slightly more designy and adding some more things here and there. When you see it you’ll understand why, I think it’ll make the place look tighter.

As I was walking back I passed by the mosque on brick lane and that’s when the prayer calls had started, and I got this massive tingle in the back of my neck, because here I was in London and there was the prayer call, so amazing for me because it reminded me of home even for those brief few seconds.

Went into the office and saw everyone again which I must say was really nice, I actually missed quiet a few people. Just chilling with the guys and gals of the office. It’s good to have this secondment over and done with. It was good while it lasted but I’ve decided I’m not a site engineer. Some people can handle it, I’m not of the same mould shall we say. Although the guys on site were well funny, I think I’m a clean environment kind of person.

Well I’m standing in front of the hype gallery on Brick lane and I actually got very nervous. I mean seriously I got very nervous about what I was planning on doing. It’s pretty exciting stuff for me, but this is where my promotion starts I guess. Hey 1 month in and I’ll hopefully have something in a gallery down central london. I’ll hopefully have some pictures up here pretty soon of the place, if I can actually get a camera down there on Friday. I think that’s when I’ll be taking my drawings down. Not really sure. Will give me a chance to HYPE it out in the office and around the place I guess.

Also I’m not the only one with the idea to start a blog in January, Mr. Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins fame is doing his blog as well, which is cool. You can view it right here www.billycorgan.com He’s going solo and writing about all sorts of random things. Didn’t realise he liked ‘pro’ wrestling so much, hmmm I guess even the best of us have vices or weakesses :).

Well it’s on the front of the site so it’s no secret that my piece was accepted to the hypegallery.com website. I’m going down there tomorrow to see if I will actually be able to get it into the gallery. It’s the same place where Bodyworlds was held last year. Lots more submissions to the site so I don’t know. It had 150 last night, tonight it’s got over 250 entries. Even if my picture gets up there, how long will it actually stay up there? I’m personally hoping for one week. I’ve got to start the invitations and also I need to start sorting out the basketball strips. Hmm guess I’ll be busy as all hell tomorrow, but I suppose everything hard in life will be worth it in the end.

Saw BIG FISH. All I can say is that it was my favorite Tim Burton movie. I mean seriously this thing is so well put together, and the story so amazingly uplifting I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Some people seriously didn’t get the movie. I could explain but to be honest I’d spoil it for some people and I’d rather not. But needless to say the guy spells it out for everyone in the movie, has the character say the words out loud and still I heard people saying the exact opposite. Ahh well.

Another thing I noticed was the fact that the music was not inspiring, or more like, it didn’t grab me. I have one person to fault here, and that’s tarantino. I mean he does magic with the soundtrack that the songs he chooses are unmistakably from his movie, you hear that song a few years later straight away you think of his movie, and that is a talent that very very few movie makers have actually achieved.

I’ve had the MOST AMAZING DAY today. Apart from meeting Lee who’s a pretty cool guy and visiting a new place in the english country, apart from going to the Tate Modern and actually seeing some real DALI apart from seeing Sam again after a while which is nice, I had the most amazing surprise when I got back. Can I talk about it? Well not just yet I’ve got a lot of pre-preperation to deal with, but believe me when I’m finished, and if you know me you’ll hear about it, and all going well even get an invitation,…now how omnious is that?